It Takes a Special Kind of Support and Guidance to Heal your Heart After the Loss of a Baby or Child. I'd love to help you along your path of healing to transform your pain into significant growth, meaning and purpose. . .
I suddenly landed in a dark, unfamiliar place called Grief.
My husband and I were thrilled when we discovered I was pregnant with our first baby. From that moment, joyful imaginations for our future family consumed our waking thoughts and night-time dreams.
But at my 5-month check-up, my world turned upside down when the doctor said, "Pam, I'm not picking up a heartbeat. There doesn't appear to be any fetal movement. I think the baby is dead."
Instantly the room started spinning and I couldn't breathe.
Tears streamed down my face as I choked out the questions darting back and forth through my mind. How can this be? What happened to my baby?
The doctor said he'd know more after labor and delivery. Those answers never came. There was no obvious medical reason for our baby's death.
During the year that followed I bottomed out in a black hole, flooded with feelings of overwhelming sadness, guilt and anger. I'd never experienced all-consuming deep grief before.
I had no idea where to start or how to heal my broken heart.
People said insensitive things that made things worse.
My husband and I experienced our grief very differently. Neither of us wanted to cause pain for the other by bringing up the subject. We often felt alone and suffered in silence.
A few weeks after labor and delivery I was swimming at our sports club, sobbing my way from one end of the pool to the other. I was angry that we had a stack of bills to pay and no baby to love.
My empty arms ached. My prayers were raw and honest.
"God I don't see any good in any of this. If there is something good to be found I need you to show me. This pain is blinding."
In that moment, I found a picture of a book on the inner screen of my mind. I knew down deep it was a lifeline for moms and dads who had lost a baby.
It didn't make a lot of sense to me because I knew nothing about how to write a book. But I was absolutely compelled to follow that prompting .
I began talking with other moms who had lost a baby. I searched for timeless wisdom about coping with death and delved into the neuroscience of grief.
I was desperate for wisdom about how to move through the dark overwhelming sadness.
The following year I completed graduate school and was licensed as a professional counselor.
During the last 25 years in private practice I’ve had the privilege of serving thousands of women in my counseling office. Together we’ve walked the path of healing into complete recovery.